Pity Party

I am having a pity party. Everyone is invited! You just have to fulfill a couple of requirements. The first of course is that you have to be feeling extremely sorry for yourself. I mean not just a little sad, really sorry for yourself. You have to be thinking you are the worst mother in the world, and everyone in the world knows it. You also have to be thinking that you have screwed up your kids for ever and ever and they will never have a normal happy life, ever, ever.

Doubting every decision you have ever made in relation to your children would also be a good thing. Remembering every mistake you made, every time you ever yelled, every time you did not yell, every time you looked at them wrong! These all add to the party quite well. Heck throw in the fact that you had a lousy birth with them and dropped them a few times helps also.

Of course you have to look at your life and think of everything you would of should of could of done differently is ideal for a pity party. There are so many things you did bassackwards and that for sure added to the fact that you have screwed up their lives so well.

I love that line in "Fun With Dick and Jane" by the way when they are looking at having to lose their house and she says," then we would have to move and he would lose all of his friends and he would grow up a social misfit with no friends and nothing to show for his whole life". When we watch that movie all my kids laugh and say that is so mom!

The things that would spoil my pity party? Well of course looking at all these really cool people that we have raised the best we could and seeing that, man are they cool people. Like even if they were not my kids I would love hanging out with them. I mean I would even call them on the phone and ask them to go to lunch or something, and I don't do that very often.

In reflecting on my pitiful mood today I realized that in reality I was just feeling "guilty". Man I hate that word! It is a loaded word and I have to write things like the above to realize that I really have no reason to feel guilty. Part of the price of being a Mormon is the guilt train that we all tend to ride, quite often actually.

Can you just imagine we are supposed to multiply and replenish the earth, keep the word of wisdom, be temple worthy and prepare the kids for this, teach our daughters to be wonderful homemakers like us, get our sons to serve two year missions, never have your kids get arrested or in trouble etc. etc. etc.....

As you can see lots of room for guilt on that plate. I have gotten into the habit of taking the whole church tradition out of my feelings about people in general. In other words I ask myself," if I was not measuring this person against the church how would I feel about them?" I think it is sad that I have to do this to set aside my judging, but I do. I was raised that way, it is in my DNA.

The really bad part is I don't just judge others harshly, I also judge myself this way. That, my friends would explain why I have to have pity parties. So the party is over, done with and I am on my way to make something to eat. I made a cake earlier that I dropped getting out and broke my favorite brownie pan and just turned and walked out of the kitchen. Just added to the party really well as refreshments!

Have a great Mothers Day and try to focus on the positives, just like I did :)

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there who are near and dear. I think about all the mothers that have been influental in my life including my own Mom. There was my best friends mom when I was a kid. They lived across the street from us in Calif. When I was 6 and my father passed away her father was there with us. Her Mom was always there for us. She would take me school clothes shopping with her own daughter and buy me clothes for school.
Then of course there was the mother of my hubby. She was raised in a boarding school in Canada. She had a very rough childhood and then married a very difficult man. They relocated to the U.S. and she did the best job she could to raise four children far from home and family. She has not had an easy life but continues to try and be cheerful and lift those around her.
Of course there are the mothers of my grandkids. My daughter-in-law is a saint. She endured the first five years of marriage and three kids with an alcoholic husband. There were times when she was the sole bread winner as well as trying to take care of my son. Now she is happily a stay at home mom and loving it.
My own daughter of course is awesome. they always say that you know you have done a good job of parenting if your children are a step above you. I think I must have done something right because she is a great Mom. Being the provider for her family, as well as the spiritual leader and going to school full-time. Lots on her plate and she keeps up with it all very well indeed.
And of course a happy day to my own cool mom. I have talked of her often and bragged about how cool, and totally awesome she is. I have decided she is and always will have to be the caregiver, but it is good because someone has to do it.
I just wish a happy and peaceful day to all on this special day.

EARLY MOTHERS DAY

Can you believe it, yet another muy guapo son! This is our Flagstaff, artist, super duper laid back son. I got to get an early Mothers Day present and hang out with him for the whole day! It was certainly a treat that I will cherish for the next few months until I head North again and see him again.
Another great mothers day present was being able to see my "inmate". He did not know I was going to be at his hearing today so was very surprised to see me sitting outside the courtroom. I told the rest of the family that I would not have recognized him without the shackles!
His hair is grown out long and shaggy and he has lost so much weight. He has been working out like crazy and is very proud of his six pack and huge arms. At least he has something to think about. It was good to see him, and he got a plea that we were very happy with.
You can catch all the news on it on his blog at www.realjailnews.blogspot.com or the azdailynews will certainly have an article tomorrow, hoping it is not too rough on him for sure. I am so thankful for all our friends who were there for moral support it was great.
Going through this has made me realize how important it is to say something at a time like this, even if you're not sure what to say. My inmate said when I visited that he would be visiting inmates for the rest of his life once he gets out in a few years. We both talked about how we did not even know the difference between jail and prison before all this happened. Hard way to get educated, but I'm sure the bigggest jail advocates are the ones who have been there and done that.
Again thanks to my son, and friends who attended and offered their moral support!