Picnic in Paradise

There is nothing like a beautiful December picnic two weeks before Christmas to make you so thankful for living in paradise! This little girl needed the sun on her face and the wind in her hair something awful. She was begging for a picnic. As we were trucking our bags of stuff up to the bus to hit the hills my son made the comment how funny would this look in the States? Yeah probably does not happen there.

It is so nice now that the kiddos are all big enough to play on the equipment and not kill themselves. Now we just have to worry about the adults, like the time my oldest daughter caught her pinky toe on the slide, ouch!

Even the teenagers enjoy getting out and playing. Oh wait she is a teenager but I guess he is an old man, and I mean old, won't even go there right now. Different post for a different day.

And don't these two goofy goobers just look like they are having a blast? They are just anxious to get going on the fire, the good part.
Did I mention I love Monte de la Cruz?

Teen Years

I have a theory. It may or may not be correct, but it is the only explanation I can think of for why I would have 7 children. That theory is that you forget. Yup you forget everything. They used to say you forget the pain of childbirth. Well I am telling you that you forget the pain of all things child related. Otherwise why would you "bring it on" again and again?

Take for instance teenagers. I will admit mine have been a ton of fun, and have outgrown most of their wild ways, but we still went through it. I mean to say, not that I have seen everything, but with six having been or being teens at the moment, it has been a wild ride. When I think about the memories or read my journal I am reminded and amazed that I kept signing up again and again!

I do say that my first was only 15 before we had number six, so that may explain lots of the having so many. Like the saying "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, and then it's just fun". That kind of sums up raising teens. (We have only lost one eye by the way, and she has adapted quite well by the way). Baby was the only one that we knew full well what we were getting into when we "had" her.

At the time we went to China to pick up baby we had one 19 yr. old in jail, unknown to us, and one 16 yr. old living with neighbors because he could not live with his father. Our oldest was married and had one child. Our second daughter had just gotten married, pg. and had her husband deported all in the last six months. That was just the first three! While we were in China numero 4 decided to lock himself in the closet and sing all night because his brother ate all his halloween candy. My pg. daughter was trying to deal with all this and not have her baby before we got home from China. She made it until 4 days after we returned and then baby was born! She was waiting for her aunt.

I am rambling and as I ramble it all comes back to me and I get the shivers and begin to go into fetal position! See what I mean, you forget everything. But as I chase my 16 yr. old around and try to keep track of her, and pray and chase some more, it is all coming back to me. And some say babies keep you awake at night? They do not have teenagers yet I can guarantee you that!

Teenagers Augh!!!!

There are many, many things to love about teenagers. It just so happens that at the moment I cannot think of any of them. Mmmmm, o.k. they come up with really funny pictures like the above, but that is it for today.

Several weeks ago I had a talk with my teen and we made it very clear that there would be three hours of school work done every day. Well that lasted about two weeks and here we are again, sleeping in, getting up whenever and then swimming or running and hanging out with friends. I am all for "unschooling" but there needs to be something going on upstairs for her to even develop the capacity to think!

Now she is very angry because she wants to go on a date with a boy she met on the internet. Now she is very clear that it is not a date because she is paying her own way, so that makes it o.k. to go alone with this boy and hang out.

We have a policy that the kids don't date until they are 16. With the boys you don't have to worry, they can't drive until they are 16 and are not into picking up girls on bikes. With the girlies that is a little tougher to enforce. Especially when the 16th birthday is exactly one month away. What a mean mom I am ha?

I guess her 21 yr. old brother will be going to hang out with them tomorrow afternoon, woo hoo!

Reviving Ophelia

I have been reading the book "Reviving Ophelia" by MaryPipher. It is a really good book, and actually I believe I have read it before about ten years ago when daughter number one was 15. It makes many good points about teenage girls, the dangers we as mothers try to protect them from, and the growth we want them to experience.

The world is such that we have to literally protect our teenage daughters from many things. In the olden days they could make mistakes that were just that, mistakes. These days these same mistakes could get them killed, or addicted for life or any myriad of things.

With our sons we were not quite as protective as we are with the girls. Sometimes it does not seem fair that there is this double standard for girls versus boys, but there it is, it is there. After the recent rape of a 15 yr. old girl at her high school after a dance I was just amazed. Like I said these days if girls are not careful they can get hurt very bad, even killed.

I am maybe a little overprotective, but I really feel that you cannot be too careful these days!

TEENAGERS

How can you have seven kids and never, I mean never have the same problems with them? I mean really can't a couple of them be somewhat similar? They did come from the same gene pool, so they should think somewhat alike. But oh no, no way. They all come up with their own challenges and requirements.

My first born was perfect until the day he turned 16, and from there it decreased by about a year for each one. Then the teen years began and we were on high alert for the following three or four years. Of course it does not end there, it is just that they are "responsible" for the choices from that point.

The problem of course is that responsibility could make or break them for a lot of years. You sure can't tell them that though when they are in the middle of the growing pains. It's funny that they won't even listen to older siblings, who have had similar stories. Because of course theirs is just different enough to give them the excuse not to listen to anyone!

TENNIS SHOES AND BABIES

If you did not see her little long legs all tucked up under her you would believe I really have a baby! I still call her baby and she gets really angry, "I am not a baby!" I just tell her she has to be my baby forever, even if she is a big girl, she will still be my baby.
It is so hard to think that she is going to grow into a teenager in just a matter of years, it just breaks my heart. Not that I mind teenagers, just different set of cards to be sure. I have definately decided I will never be able to leave her for more than two weeks. This trip was four and it did not work for either one of us.
Thank goodness I missed the first couple of weeks of rainy season. That may not sound like a big deal to miss two weeks out of six months, but it is a big deal! Every two weeks count when you are drowning to death. I'm just not sure if I am ready for rainy season, but not sure if I have a lot of say in the matter.
By the way excuse the previous post, my daughter wanted to see what her new tennis shoes looked like. I think she misses me a little bit. Now she will be more focused on missing her tennis shoes, takes her mind off missing Mom!

HOMESICK

Easy to see why I could get homesick for Costa Rica. The desert has its own beauty, but it is not the one in my blood for sure. I am just aching for a little humidity. Not only that of course, I certainly miss my family I left behind.
Everytime I talk to baby she gets all whiny. I think it will be awhile before she lets me out of her site once I get home. I have never left her before and it has been difficult for her and I to be apart.
Then of course I get a call from the teen wanting me to come home now because she is not feeling good and is sure she has swine flu! That and of course all the drama that goes with being 15.
The hubby I have to tell "call me" and then maybe he sort of, kind of , a little bit misses me. Or maybe just at meal time when he has to think of another way to fix beans and rice. It was pretty funny because when we talked yesterday we had eaten the exact same dinners. Great minds think alike.
Of course I trained my kids early that Sundays are bean days. Most days are bean days these day, but for sure Sundays. Usually it was taco salad with beans, but sometimes bean tacos. I love, love, love, love bean tacos. They are in a complete food group all their own.
The problem was I had bean tacos with pintos. I used to love pintos, missed them terribly when we moved South, but now I would kill for a pot of black beans! About time to head South.

IS COSTA RICA SAFE?

Needless to say after the murder in our neighborhood last night this is the biggest question we are asking ourselves. We found out more facts that help a little bit. One biggie was the fact that the kid (19 years old) was actually apparently speaking with the guy who shot him, and seemed to know him. The other was that this kid was one of the ring that has been robbing people in the neighborhood for the past few weeks. The other was that this kid was a known trouble maker and druggy.
About two months ago in fact he beat up my daughters boyfriend. He beat him up a bit and stole his sweatshirt. The guy who runs our neighborhood park called the police, who surprised all and showed up. They made the guy give the sweatshirt back and basically slapped his hand.
Apparently he messed with the wrong person this time. On the bus coming home from teaching I saw a group of people putting flowers and writing on the road where he was shot. A lot of the neighbors are surprised that anyone did anything since the kid was so much trouble. The fact remains he was only 19, and he was still someones' son, brother, and since we are in Costa Rica, probably someones' father.
Be that all as it may, my daughter is not allowed to walk off our street after dark. Isn't that messed up? I remember that when I was 8 not 15. People should at least be free to walk to the store or to get a movie or go anywhere without worrying about "bad guys".
Of course upon reading the U.S. news it sounds like it is getting pretty wild there. Who knows?

BOYFRIENDS

Something really funny has happened in our family. I know they say that guys marry someone like their mothers, and girls marry someone like their dads. Well I did not marry anyone like my dad because I did not know my day, he died when I was very young. But I have definately seen similarities in my daughter-in-law and myself as well as my son-in-law and my husband.

Now for the really weird thing. My daughter is seeing a boy who is just like her brother. I mean he looks like him, talks like him, and is even born the same year as him, making him a horse. We keep teasing her that she is trying to replace her brother, who she complained about bitterly because he teased her so unmercifully.

I guess genetics are pretty darn strong. You know the saying the apple does not fall far from the tree? I think that means you can only change yourself or those you are attracted to so much. They also say that you marry someone you live six blocks away from. That makes sense since you really dont meet too many people out of that area.

So now we are trying to remind my 15 year old about all these things and more. The real problem is this kid is truly nice. He went through his party phase young and does not drink, smoke or take drugs. He treats her with respect and even gets along with the old man. That is the scary part.

My hubby invited him to go fishing with he and my son-in-law. Now that is too far! He just seems to get along so well with the family that I have to be careful that she does not get too serious with him at such a young age. I got married at 17 and take my word for it, it aint easy!

We even had her teach a FHE lesson out of her Standards for Youth pamphlet and had him read the page on dating and relationships. I know that is a little bold of us, but in my experience as parents we have to be bold. The really good part is he does not speak English so I can tell her things when he is sitting right there that I would not normally say. Like go change your shorts those are too short and so on.

It is always a bit tricky in these turbulant years, but at least we are not too busy that we cannot keep a very close eye on things. The joys of being the second to the youngest. Either you are being watched very closely or completely ignored, which she does not get the leisure of right now! Maybe someday we will be too busy making millions, but for now we get to keep a very good eye, or in my husbands case four eyes on her and the boyfriend.

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE

The more things change the more they stay the same. Isn't that the truth? We have lived in Costa Rica for two and a half years now. We love it here and really enjoy the scenery and the weather. Of course there are things we do not enjoy, but all in all we are old enough to realize things don't really change just because you move.

Yesterday my daughter was at the park down the street with her boy-friend. We don't call him a boyfriend because she is only 15 and that is not allowed. So we just call him her boy-friend. At any rate they were down there watching the kids play and taking her dog for a walk.

He has been having trouble with an ex-girlfriend since he started hanging out with the gringa, or my daughter. A bit of a jealousy issue. So her new boyfriend comes up and starts beating up on this kid. My daughter did not know what to do and just grabbed his arm and tried to get him to leave the park.

As they were leaving the kid came charging at them from the left side. The deal is my daughter can't see out of her left eye, her boy-friend luckily caught what was comming and shoved her out of the way. He got thrown into the gate of the park and the guy pulled the gauges out of his ear and pulled his sweatshirt off of him. Thank goodness the park supervisor was on the ball and had called the police. They came and got his shirt back and told the other guy to leave him alone.

My daughter was really cute. She brought him home and got him two Aleves and some ice and of course lots of sympathy. Of course for her it brought back lots of bad memories about her brother and I was surprised how affected she was. The good part was she begged him to let it go and not retaliate. I guess she has learned something from the older brothers.

Another good thing is she knows it does not just happen in Costa Rica!

15 YEAR OLDS AUGHHHHH!

You know how they try to tell you that myth that you will forget the pains of childbirth? We all know it is a myth, we just choose to go through it again. At any rate if it was true than it should also be true that we forget the joys of teenagers.

As my teen quickly approaches 15 this month I am starting to sweat and get the shivers. I think of all the experiences I have had with my 15 year olds and I think I do not want to do this again. Is there any way I can opt out of this phase? Maybe just put her in a barrel and feed her through a hole in the side, then let her out when she turns 18. That was Mark Twains idea by the way not mine!

My most vivid memory of 15 was with the above charmingly handsome big brother. Favorite brother by the way. It did not start out that way though. He was always the one that said he should have been an only child. Come to think of it that is what all 7 of them have thought.

When I decided I wanted another baby and adoption was the only option for us he threw a real hissy fit. He refused to even talk about it. Well it came time for the social worker to come over to the house and do the home study. If any of you have had that pleasure you can relate to the stress involved.

I asked Jake nicely to please put down his mohawk and tell the lady when she asked that yes he wanted a little sister. I have to say he drove a very hard bargain. One skateboard later he was very proudly saying that yes he wanted a baby sister.

When we returned home from China he would not even look at her or have anything to do with her, for about three days that is. About the third day we went to Taco Bell for some food. We were standing in line and I had to pay. I told Jake to hold the baby while I paid, he held her out in front of him like she was the baby from Monsters Inc. and went to sit down.

After I sat down she was standing by me holding on. He leaned over and said boo! to her very loudly. She did not even bat and eye and turned back to him and said boo! just as loud. He grabbed her up in his arms and is her favorite brother to this day. They were pretty much inseperable when we lived close. She still composes great letters to him and talks to him on the phone about 3 times a week.

I guess looking back on that story I can take courage and know that this too shall pass and after a few years we will be friends and be able to laugh about all the memories we are making. That is what life is all about after all.

WEEKLY SERMON

I found an awesome blog site yesterday and would highly recommend it to anybody who has, will or is adopting a child. It is A4everFamily.org. I learned a lot from it about some of Maleahs behaviors, as well as my reactions.

After raising six children you would like to think you have it somewhat figured out. Guess what, I just keep being amazed at how much I do not have figured out! Just when I think I have it figured out the rules change, or the kid changes, or the world changes, or I change! You get the idea, there are no rules, there are no constants except the values and principals we live by.

The real trick I guess is learning to apply our principals on every situation we run into with our children as well as ourselves. A good example of this is the belief I have that it really does matter who your friends are and who you hang out with.

My daughter is just starting to believe me on this one, but it is really difficult to learn. She would like to believe that as long as she is doing what she knows is ok it is all good. Unfortunately it is not like that anymore.

She has an older brother who is going to be in prison for at least five years because he did not believe this concept. He thought and actually still thinks that it is ok to go along with the group, as long as you don't "inhale" so to speak. Not true as he has very painfully been made aware of.

I guess this is my soap box for the week, and why I love blogging! I get to choose who I check out and who I hang out with! There are so many blogs and so little time. I have a great new word for friends who blog "frogs"!